Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
