He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
