I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
