Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
