In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
