On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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