i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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