I accidentally had phone sex last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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