does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We are two peas in an std pod
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
