Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
