my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
