I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
