i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
