I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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