Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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