Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
