the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
