Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
