The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
