the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
