walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
