hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
