Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
