I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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