this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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