Me. At least after what I've been through.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
