Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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