Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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