This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
