I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
