tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
