i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
