stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
