i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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