Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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