she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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