You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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