just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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