I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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