This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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