Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
