i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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