I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
