Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
