The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
