i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
