While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
