the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
