If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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