I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
