so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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