Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize