You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
