it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
