So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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