Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
