yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
