My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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