wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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