I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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