when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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