i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
