get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
