I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
