My liver just broke up with me...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
