ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
