Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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