im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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