This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
