So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
