i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
