ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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