I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
