I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
